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How I Feel About The Covid-19 Lockdown

Hello Readers & Friends,

A bit of a weird one today. I feel almost awkward writing this as I'm scared I'll be labelled insensitive, which is not what I intend at all, but I feel like we're seeing only one side of the story about how people are dealing with lockdown and I haven't heard of anybody else feeling how I do, which I want to address.

Of course, the reason for lockdown is terrible and so many lives being lost is heartbreaking and I hope that this is all sorted and we get a vaccine as soon as possible. I feel terrible for all the people who are struggling throughout lockdown, exhausted parents and people anxious about lost jobs and those who are just going a little stir-crazy from boredom!

But I'm going to say the thing I feel we're not supposed to be saying: I love lockdown. For mysel personally, and my situation, it's the best thing to have happened in a really long time. I'm still working from home for now, and am very lucky to be doing so with such a wonderful and supportive team, but I just want to explain why I feel how I feel.

I am breathing a breath of fresh air. Aside from the worries about my wedding, I feel a million times calmer and clearer. I feel more motivated, I'm more productive, I am exercising every day (!?) reading more, smiling more, cooking more, laughing more. I'm enjoying every minute of my day and feel in control of my life again.

My relationship with Steven hasn't been this good since our trip to Cambodia, all we do is laugh together because I'm not tense and exhausted and high-strung. When I would usually come home in a foul mood after a gross train-ride home and tell him 'not to speak to me for a minute' while I tried to leave my mood at the front door and fought to kept my eyes open past 8pm, we're now chatting all through dinner, washing up together, curling up in front of the tv and laughing until we go to bed (much later than 8pm!)

I feel no pressure to be out socialising, instead catching up with all my close friends almost daily via calls and texts instead (introverts rejoice!). I don't feel guilty for staying in and enjoying my home all weekend, as though I'm wasting my youth away and should be at a pub or trendy restaurant in East London.

 I'm gaining three whole extra hours every day (which would be usually spent on a packed commuter train), which I can spend sleeping or reading. I feel so well rested and full of energy. I feel better about work, because I can manage everything coming into my inbox and work at my own pace and in a setting I feel comfortable in. I know which hours of the day I'm most productive (usually around 10-2 and then 3-6) and can work these times to my benefit instead of feeling like I have to take lunch at a certain time or do things in a certain order - and I'm getting so much more done as a result!

I feel as though this is how life is supposed to be. I am thriving under lockdown.

In fact, the only thing I'm anxious about is lockdown ending and going back to how life felt before. I feel guilty that I feel so good as a result of such a horrible virus that is destroying so many lives, but I wanted to write this in case anyone else feels the same way. I hope I'm not alone, I'm hoping many other introverts and anxious folk may be feeling the same way, because it seems the first thing everyone asks is, 'how are you coping with lockdown?' and I feel bad for not struggling the way everyone else seems to be.
I hope that we are slowly introduced back into life BC (before corona!) because I'm not sure how I'll handle the shock!

Anyway, just wanted to share my thoughts and be honest. I hope that for anyone struggling you have someone close you can speak to (online!) and feel comforted by the fact that this will pass. And for anyone in the same boat as me, I hope the fears of returning to reality aren't too terrible and you know that if you could handle it before, you can handle it again.

C x


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